I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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