you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
