bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
