idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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