Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
