she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
