Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
