Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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