I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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