Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
