hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
