Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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