i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
