stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
