I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
