Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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