she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
