I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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