Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
