Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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