Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
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There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
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I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
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