he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
