I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
