you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
