Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
