I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
