I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize