I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
