I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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