i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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