So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
