I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
