We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
