His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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