Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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