Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
