yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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