I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Can you bring me the toilet please
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
