Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
