we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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