I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
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