I think my vagina is haunted
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
My life is pants optional.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
