I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize