I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Also, beer. Big fan.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
