Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
