Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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