i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
