i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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