I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
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