i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
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I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
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Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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