sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Randomize
