Ambien. No doubt about it.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
