my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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