I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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