We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He has the fingertips of a God
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