dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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