youre lurking in front of me
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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