I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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