dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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