would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
So many bounce houses so little time
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Enjoy the penises
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
