The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
