you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
