some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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