I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
