Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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