If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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