He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
