I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
