this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
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I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
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The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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